WASOWSKI♥BUTTAWSKI

30.4.10

i'm very sad ):

seriousy .

do guys really crazy about sex?

are they so insane over it that they willingly cheat on their partner to just spend a night with someone new ?

are they so crazy about sex that they get that particular girl drunk first and do whatever they want ?

do they know how much it gonna hurt the girl ?

eventhough she maybe drunk , do they know if that girl can remember th incident ?

do they know , th girl cried so badly after that ?

she also become like me .

lost her faith in guys .

sometimes i envy people in relationship (:

but i'm sad that i have no one sincere about me .

my thinking is so negative .

" ppl wanna a taste of me , but not be with me"

tht's how i thinkk .

cos i have been throughh all this .

and i dun wanna history to repeat itself .

do they know we aren't toy ?

we aren't a pit stop .

please guys , stop all this .

stop making me lose my faith even more .

29.4.10

shaffree. says (2:30 PM):
coz he made u lost ur beliefs in love
shaffree. says (2:31 PM):
the onee who have hurt u badly
fyda (: shawtyloves says (2:31 PM):
hahah
its okay LAA
im fine
i think
shaffree. says (2:31 PM):
u thought
im not fine
i tak suka u mcm gini
fyda (: shawtyloves says (2:32 PM):
y u not okay>
shaffree. says (2:33 PM):
coz i can't bear seeing u hurt like these anymore
kesian tau i tengok u

what am i to say? that i'm not okay ?

i cant say that right ?

i'm tryna hide my pain and emotions .

somehow it just run wild .

i should just kept it inside .

but i cant lie to myself .

When she stares at your mouth,
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummie cause she thinks shes stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your atttention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she is beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she loves you
she really does more than you can understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does

When she says it's over
she still wants you to be hers

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because ten years later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
-Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid
- Give her the world
.- Let her wear your clothes
-When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
-Let her know she's important
.- Don't talk about other girls around her
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:"Whose ass am i kicking baby?"

Shaffree texted me yesternight . and he goes like this "haven't i shown you how much i love you bhy ? haven't i shown you how much i care ? in a r/s there's always pain , but i gonna try my very best not to hurt you cause i love you bhy . u miss being in love ? are you saying tht you don't love me ?are you lying to me all these while ? are you cheating on my feelings ?how else can i show u that im serious about us ? im really sorry if i have hurt you . really sorry . if u don't have feelings for me , then be honest . but if possible , gimme a chance to show u how much u meant to me . i love you"

and he sent again another msg . " after reading your last post in the blog , i understand . you lost your faith , i know . but you have no more love ? you wanna be alone ? i guess i should leave , shouldn't i ?"

shaffree , i never cheat your feelings (: i really want you by my side . but i fear tht you will hurt me . my heart isn't a toy . my emotions are god damn real . i'm not a rag doll that you can throw and take anytime . i know one day you will leave me , cos ntg is forever . i wonder how long you will be here for me . i wonder woll you ever leave me when i needed you the most . i wonder will you be able to make me smile all the tyme , and i wonder will i be enough for you not to look or have any emotions towards any other girl .u been really nice towards me . just the way i want it (: somehow i feel that i am not worth all that . yes , all guys are different . but , im shure , you will hurt me all the same .): you're like a superman in my life , but i am afraid that i can't be there for you . i'm not okay yet . i wanna be with u , but im still hurt .

when i fall in love , its gonna be hard for me to get out of love .

when i fall in love , i will give the whole piece of my heart .

there's options in my life , i don't want them , they ain't worth of my time .

can i count on you baby when i need someone here?

can you really show me everyday that you love me ?

can you handle me baby ?

28.4.10

had a pretty normal day (:

studied at school and just revise at 211 (:

suddenly i felt so sad ):

so miserable .

i lost my faith in love .

and it feels so damn fucked up .

i see those sweet couples there .

but i can nevr see me being in their state .

cus someone made me lost all my beliefs in love .

i pretty much get th attention .

but it feels so wrong .

i have no more love laaa .

i just wanna be alone .

u said she's just your ex .

but i just don't want to get involve .

i dun wanna be tht bitch in between in anyways .

so i'll keep my distance from you , friend .

27.4.10

just a random pic (:

i pour out everything inside my heart to my friends just now .

shairishairi ,

a guy who made me lose faith in love .

a guy who made me distrust something so beatiful .

a guy who made me believed tht guy nvr fall in love .

a guy who made me believed tht love doesn't exist anymore .

and a guy who managed to break my heart more than million pieces .

i never expect him to leave me after what he did .

i felt cheated emotionally ):

and never did i expect him to be god damn cold .

tsk .

i always believed tht he will stay on .

but nahh ahh , no .

he didn't

he's th guy who managed to manipulate me .

gosh . grr .

why shairi ? what did i do wrong ?

until you got th heart to hurt me badly ?

i can't get over you .

goshh ,

god please give me strength to move on .

he doesn't love me ,

why am i hanging ?

i should know where's my status .

god , please , let me a chance to believe once more .

mummy , you're th best (:

i love you more than anyone can (:

i pray for your happiness (:

and you will always get my well wishes (:

for everything you have done for me ,

i'm grateful (:

you're th best mama !

i love you so much .

i love you MUMMY (:

see up there ?

BANGS (:

i look somewhat cute (((((((;

PERASAN KAN !

heheh (:

plan to sit at home th whole day .

but i got ten dollars right now .

soo i'm torn apart in buying or not buying ciggs .

heheheheh (((:

i didn't go school today .

HAIZZ!

how to pass my o like this ?

i need to neglect my friends awhile urhy .

so i can focus on my studies (;

well , let's hope they dun feel neglected .

hmmms (:

i miss you every moment you're gone .

crushed my heart when you remain silent .

now i fucking dun care .

26.4.10

i cut my hair & rebonded th fringe .
hairstyle ? BANGS .
i look so funny (:
lol . no more fyda . heheheh (:
but i think i look cute ((((:
PERASAN .
went drinking today !
hahah !
with fitri (my ex schoolmate)
i've been getting attention seriously .
but all i want is for tht someone to be with me now .
someone who meant alot to me now .
i love him damn much .
but he's just nt here .
i didn't entertain anyone in sms today )):
no mood Laaa .
missing someone badly terribly and horribly )):

it makes me feel like i've been cheated .
it makes me feel that i wasn't loved .
it makes me feel awfully wrong .
i miss being with you .
i want to fall back to that warmth arms i once know .

24.4.10

i got a new friend . Name : Hairi . SOUND SO FAMILAR RIGHT ? not SHAIRI HAYDEN .

but he reminds me so much of shairi hayden (:

he likes to tsk just like shairi . he talks in english just like shairi .

but he isnt shairi ):

chatting with hairi makes me feel as if shairi is around near me .

we talk crap exactly like how i used to with shairi (:

cried halfway Laaa , and hairi wanted to say bye .

well didn't let him off easily . cus he doesn't wanna hurt me .

and i told him tht we are destined to be friends .(:

honestly , im scared if i ever one day fall for hairi . not cheap or anything . it simply cos he reminds me of someone important in my life . SHAIRI HAYDEN .

TSK TSK TSK .

hairi , thankyou for making me happy .

you make me feel as if shairi is around .

atleast it buat me tk rindu sgt kat shairi . psl you sound just like him (:

thankyou somuchh hairi (:

it means so much to me .

after chatting with hairi , i ate . finally .

cus i feel as if shairi is here .

know what i mean ?

21.4.10

like that picture shows ; i'm learning to be strong .

so many things happening .

i'm hating everything happening at home .

i'm kinda down .

i see no reason to sit at home anymore .

seriously . i hate my step dad .

he keeps venting his anger on us when he fights with

mummy .

it's not our fault tht the love mummy had for him had vanish .

it's your own fault .

so stop putting th blame on others .

you're th one who kept insisting on a divorce when you were all well and healthy .

you're th one who is pushing mummy away when she

needs you as her man .

now , she's independant , karma strikes .

she's effing hot (:

i see everything .

but i don't see your sincerity .

i hate your fucked up attitude .

i see no reason to come home .

shit . GUYS ARE HOPELESS !

SERIOUS SHIT !

18.4.10

today planned to just sit at home .(:
but somehow i followed my mom and her friend to th SENTOSA .
it was a totally last minute plan .
we actually plan to go singapore flyer .
lol .
soo halfway to singapore flyer
i was tryna make her see tht its boring .
and i managed to lure her out (:
so head down to sentosa .
no spare clothes , no towel all !
not even shampoo .
so we like bought evrything new .
new shirts for swimming and everything .
hahah . camwhore alot !
my mom is hot (:
they bought long island tea secretly .
pretending it's just a tea .
hahah .
i know what i smell and i know what i saw on th receipt .
hahahah !
now im damn tired .
guess what , today shaffree texted me early in the morning .
his battery was damn low .
he forgot to charge his handphone .
after lunch i think his battery die liao .
he actually remembers to text me with his friend's num
to just say he love me at ard 4
and to remind me to eat my dinner .
how sweet . (:
he actually remember my number and remember me .
and he makes me think again why he is always a notch higher than [insertname]

and i hope you're doing perfectly well without me .
cuz to you , it's just a game .
i didn't see the things i cud be without you
if it's not for you pushing me when i misses you terribly
i miss you now .
but everything is under control .
and if you see what i mean ,
you will see th tears that i hide very well .
i know i have so much to learn .
this is something i learnt ,
never fall in love deeply with someone . . . . . . . . . .

16.4.10

im waiting for th toilet to be empty !

i want to go out Laaahhh (:

go and slack !

today never go school )":
sick mahh !

ytd was caught in th rain mahh !

sick !

tmrw my sis will be bringing me to the doc !

for check up .

hopefully i will be alright .

hopefully im clear .

hmmms .

sooo sweaty now .

thts why i wanna bath (:

but i smell nice okay !

plan to meet seri after this .

so just wait for someone to finish bathing

& its my turn (:

th truth i kept inside

th feeling i hide it from evryone

its tearing me apart

i tried hard to keep myself in one piece

no matter how tough i am

i will break one day

13.4.10

{ when i found out th meaning of my NAME }

Makna Cinta dari Nama mu
RAFIDAH
1:R - ..seorang yang lucu { who don't think that i'm funny ?}
2:A - ..seorang yang gila-gila { always crazyyy mahh , more than crazyy}
3:F - ..sukakan pasangan yang agak liar dan gila-gila { someone who i can have fun withh !!}
4:I - ..manis dan romatis { naturally ! a sweet girl with alot of romance }
5:D - ..kekasih yang terbaik pernah dimiliki oleh siapapun { tht one i dunnoe}
6:A - ..seorang yang gila-gila {naturally !}
7:H - ..setia kepada yang satu {obviouslyy laa}

so wanna date ? hahaah ! JOKING ! kay bye ! hahah . so hungry ):