26.11.10
Someone please tell me what to do .
I'm hanging on something that i know that we are both not happy .
Im very sad . very very very sad .
25.11.10
Blogging early in th morning , what th hell was i thinking ?
pay attention to me , i don't talk but i show it ((:
You know what i want and you got what i need ((:
im watching music videos . damn they are so hot ! just wait .
Im loving it to the max . Kay let's stop be so crazyyy ! fyda , maintain !( since when i got maintain ?)
Im all set to go work now .
I'm giving shaff another chance and i'll be frank about this .
WTF.
IM A GIRL WITH EMOTIONS DUDE .
I'll trust him one more time and if he ever contact or msg pompan , i'll just pack up and leave .
no more fighting or fussing but break up .
Im tired of guys saying : i love you . But shows me otherwise .
Now is the time either make it or break up .
when we patch back together , he promised me alot of things .
And just like any other guy , he went back on his words . since when guys mean whatever they say ?
And yahh , he's very sensitive . whenever i tried to point out the faults in our relationship , he would just flare up and emo one corner .
wtf , if he really want this to work up , he needs to push aside his sensitiveness and his thoughts that goes like " oh , everything i do is wrong to her "
No , it's not wrong . it is just the way you get the point across ! dude , no girls will suke if other girl call her boyfriend "boyfriend" .
and whenever i try to stop fighting , he'll make me contradict myself .
he said i changed . and the effing reason i changed is cause he changed first . a girl who is in love won't change until her partner does .
wtf am i doing here ? im blogging cause no one will listen . fuck my life . fuck my world . but don't fuck around with me you fuckers !
Lately , i've been hustling alot . and i managed to buy what i want and save up too ~
i remembered when you tell me you love me .
now you changed your story .honestly , i feel like this relationship alr come to an end .
everything we had is simply over . he doesn't love me .
no more hugs , no more kissing . no more me you're missing .
remembered when i was praising him all the way ? now i wondering where that man go?
Like a dream!! and if one day i start fadin away , please baby find me and find the love back .
When it's time for me to leave , i'll pluck all the courage and leave .
in my mind , im tryna figure out , how can i be so feelingless and leave ?
that's my own word btw .
23.11.10
Im dying . my heart is breaking .
And i don't know what to do . Am i doing th right thing?
All i do seem to be wrong .
I'm fading away from him .
doesn't he know that ? im hurt .
and i cannot do anything about it .
Im not sure how long i can keep this up .
21.11.10
i miss my boyf((:
there's many reasons why i miss him ((:
He's th type of guy who isn't embarrass to go out with me to dinner.
I'm a messy eater ((:
He willingly buy me anything i wants and he works hard for it .
SWEET KAN? He's the one who fulfills all my wants ((":
can't you see we are meant to be together?
i love him so much ((:
there's many reasons why i love him ((:
If i were to write down here , it will be frigging long post .
just one reason one post ((:
Labels: he's the sweetest ~
20.11.10
Life isn't always easy. it ain't like a bed of roses . Ain't a walk in a park .
There's always up and down . People always say i'm young and love won't ever last now.
Is it true? If it's true then why do i have these feelings ?
Is it all lies? Is it all illusion ? If they say it won't last then shouldn't we stop loving now ?
Im in immense pain . Heartache but i won't show it. I'll be strong.
Early in the morning , i have the urge to call him like always ):
But i know i cannot so why bother ? He would just think Im desperate to get him back .
And no im not ! why guys like to break my heart? Do they think that i'm a toy?
NO!
He'll always find another one soon , right?
who am i to compared to other girls ? I cannot just hope we would come back as one .
Im not flirting like how im single. Cause my heart is always with him .
Whoever i maybe with or msg with , i know who i truly love.
I cannot accept the fact that he msged other girls. I hate that. Seriously.
I have a strong jealousy . Very. And to be honest .
I don't know where to go from here .
if i go to another relationship , i'll just end up hurt again .
so , No more love . Please . My heart is already broken enough.
Im not strong anymore . Please .
He'll be happier with other girls .
I don't know what's with us.
Are we ex who wants to be together again or just friends now?
He asked for a time off but i asked for a break up.
What for a time off? It's clear he's not happy.
Very much i wanted to hit him but i control my anger .
Cause i'm trying to stop violence .
He used to be there for me . Not working but still have money to meet me like two to three times a week . But now he's working , he rarely meet me.
I feel neglected. Maybe he said we have to sacrifice but Im so stubborn .
I want it to be my way or no way . Let's not point finger. I want to be mature about this .
We both have our mistake . We both need some space. But I'm afraid letting him msg other girls is a BIG NONO for me . He can have all the guys friend in the world , he can get along with them . why need girl friends? Unlike me, i don't get along with girls because i'm rough . But he doesn't know that. Im trying not to flirt . Im trying not to look at other guys.
But i need friends. I msg Suhairi , Irfan and Blackjack. Maybe i'm being unfair to him.
But i rarely text them . Maybe you think i'm trying to cover my own ass . But im not . I wanna be honest here. Im lifeless without him. He's the rythym of my life and my potential life partner.
Flaws aside , he's the best a woman can ask for. He would splurge for me and try to give what i want. But i took it for granted. YES I DON'T TRUST HIM . atleast understand my situation. I used to trust him . i used not to bother his phone.but after those pictures incident , i just felt insecure. Im sorry ! but gimme time , i'll regain th trust. But i guess my time is up. I wasn't the best for him , I was th WORST laa. I am not pretty anyway. He neglect me too much cause of work. )): too much till i don't really know him anymore. It's hard to go out with him nowdays. he'll be either too tired or there's time constraint. Like a baby, i need his love. His warm touch and his ever so tender kiss. He cried today and i was pretending to be strong like always. )): sometimes pretending to be strong is th wrong way. He's a part of my life . And now he's gone , Im like a human with no soul. I just planned to work and work and work. save money and pamper myself. isn't it suppose to be that way? Im terribly sorry)):
I left because you weren't happy. When i talk he would give me faces. He interrupt me when i talk things seriously. But bottom line , HE WAS PERFECT . im in love with him so madly. but now , i gotta leave. My heart shattered again like a jigsaw puzzle. but this time , im gonna fix it myself ((: win me back if you love me. im easy to console . ^^
Labels: come back....
9.11.10
I am very sad.
Having a boyfriend that doesn't wanna understand that it's normal that a girl always feel insecure without their boyf around .
And especially when my boyf was once a playboy . Not tryna insult baby .
Just wanna say how im afraid that you gonna flirt around ayer?
I love him so much and im trying to make it work for us . But it leads to some war always . I don't wanna leave cause no one can love me like he does and i love him very much .
Other guys , they are nothing to my boyf . Nothing at all .
I'll be loving my boyf a longgggggggg time .
& do you know that i'm very sad now? each time i tell him how i feel down under , he just flare up . saying i don't trust him . Babe , its not about th trust . its about what you're doing to make me feel this way . at times , i wish i understand your way of life , at times i wish i could let go . at times , i wish i could just punch you flat . But most of th time i wish i could just go to you and hug you like i always do like last time when our relationship was a bliss .
If you don't know me at this point , then i higly doubt you will . I say let go , but im holding so hard . Baby i love you . At time i fuss around . But when im crying , just hug me tightly and everything will be fine . It cuts so deep when u say you don't care and you are tired . When i check my phone , it hurts when you didn't message me or leave me a miss kol . Why is our relationship all about fighting nowdays? is it cause i miss the old days too much ? Maybe i'm fussing right now , but when u go in ns , i'll be here waiting . (:
You're a guy & I'm a girl .
It's abvious that you have to conjole me first .
When i slander you with accusations , all i wanna is to hear denials . keep on denying .
And thirty minutes later , i'll chill ((:
Don't you know me yet honey ? Or am i too complex for you ?
I miss you being you . I miss those silly jokes that crack me up . I miss the old times when you would talk otp witth me for hours . Now , everything is like fading away .
Gosh , i miss you .
